Princesses & Princes At Heart: EVERY Person Made To Be One

So, I watched the Princess Diaries 1 & 2 the other day.  I haven't watched those movies for a while and wanted to watch a light-hearted, fun, girlie movie.  I didn't expect much watching the movie until the end.  There were many different scenes that touched my heart.  One scene is where Anne Hathaway (the main character that became a princess in the movie) had to find a husband within 30 days in order to be the Queen.  So, she ends up finding a guy that she doesn't really love.  She was in a tough situation where she either can go with her own interests of waiting to marry a guy she truly loves or looking at the people's best interest in having a Queen.  After much tossing and turning, she decides to be selfless in giving up her desires for the people.  As one reads this, many would think, "Oh my gosh! I would never do that! It's all about YOUR happiness and etc etc etc..."  I too thought that, but then it touched me for her to give herself up in order to serve her people.  

There was another scene where she was in a parade and while they were marching, Anne saw a little orphan being picked on, so she decided to get out of her carriage to say hi to her and the other little girls.  She spoke some encouraging, touching words to this little girl that she too can be a princess.  Then, Anne and the rest of the little girls continued to march together.  It was very touching to see that and it actually somehow motivated me to want to do that.  Though I may not be an actual princess on this earth, but it doesn't mean I cannot touch lives the way this princess has.  

Something about being kind, caring, selfless, humble, respectful, noble, pure, and honest captivates and inspires many people.  We all want a leader that is like that; we all want to be with someone that has these traits; we all want to have these traits as well.  But sadly, our culture today dismiss this and focus more on the outer appearance and on what "I" want.  We live in a very "I" culture now.  It's all about me...me...ME!  What "I" want?  About "my" happiness.  Everywhere you go, you constantly see advertisements, commercials, billboards, movies, TV shows, and books that constantly talks about achieving your happiness and getting what you want.  And as you can see, there are more brokeness and pain in this world because of that pursuit.  You see many men and women getting divorced from left to right because they have lost sight of loving each other unconditionally and giving up themselves fully for one another.  They think, "Oh my gosh, I do this and that for him/her and they don't even give a sh**, and there this other guy/girl giving me this special attention and it's all about MY happiness and blah blah blah..."  Honestly, it's a cycle.  If you cannot overcome the challenges of your first marriage, how is it any different with your next.  The issue isn't the person, it's HOW we handle the situation.  Now that we make choices and it's acceptable, persevering is nothing.  But doesn't it touch your heart to have a grandpa and grandma be together for 45 years - I think that's BEAUTIFUL!  It should be that way, but in order to make ourselves feel better, we use excuses after another excuses that mainly focuses on who? On YOU.  Yup, we have become selfish, consuming "I" people.  

Now, with single men and women who date 100 times, having sex with 56 men/women.  It honestly saddens me to see people live their lives like that.  They think that is the greatest prize or achievement to have....ummmm no.  How is it achieving to be able to sleep with a bunch of men/women.  Honestly, how is that?  I'm sorry but does that sound pathetic to just me?  I mean come on now!  I am not judging or looking down on anyone, but I'm just frustrated in seeing people live like this because I personally have gotten sucked into that and now my life is so much fuller and better without all that!  I once thought that if I can get a bunch of guys drooling all over me or dating a bunch of guys or always needing a boyfriend or always getting drunk will make me a popular, cool person.  And the sad thing is ... it DOESN'T!  I've done it and by the end of the day, I still feel empty inside.  

Honestly, what happened to changing the world and making a difference in people's lives?  Well, it's really hard to think about others if you're so caught up in yourself and what you want.  I see so many girls throwing their bodies out their thinking that they're powerful and that they have it all; when really they're making themselves as trash.  I mean aren't trash where you eat or use something and after you're done with it you throw it away.  Well, there are many girls that put themselves out there being touched from left to right and in the end, they were a man's trash from last Saturday.  Is that valuable to you?  That is why many women are constantly getting men that don't treat them well because they attract to what they give.  If you respect your body then you will attract a man that will respect you.  

I want to say that there is more to life then sex, money, nice cars, $5,000 Gucci bags, food, clothes, watching TV.  We are constantly consumed with ourselves and does anyone get tired of it!? Because I do.  What has happened to being honest, trustworthy, loving others more than yourself, caring and respecting elders, keeping yourself pure, being patient, giving to the poor, being a voice to the voiceless.  I hear SO MANY people say, "Wow, I admire Mother Theresa or Martin Luther King or Ghandi or John Piper or Apostle Paul or whoever that made a difference in this world."  As much as we admire these people, don't forget that these are just people like you and me, but decided to live their lives in a selfless way.  They didn't desire to become famous; they didn't wait to become a movie star to make change happen; they didn't wait until their career is set in order to have a voice; they JUST DID IT one day at a time, one person at a time!  They weren't waiting for a spark, but had a great compassion for something and went for it one at a time.  

And sadly I, Jenny Phan, struggle with this everyday.  I struggle in denying myself for the people.  Me being a daughter of the King, Jesus Christ, I am consider His princess representing Him.  I don't live my life everyday like a princess that cares for the people before me.  The way you live will truly affect others.  A few months ago, I was riding the bus to go home from Cal Poly and an old women came in.  I saw a guy offer his seat to her and I thought, "Wow, just that small act of respect and kindness really inspired me to do the same."  So a few weeks later, a women with her baby came in and it took me a while to realize how I can give my seat up for her because it's easy to forget in thinking about others first.  But thankfully, I realize the women should sit and in the same way, others looked at me funny yet touched.  It's SO SAD how we don't see this more often.  But then we start thinking, "Well...then who is going to care for me!? I ALWAYS care for other people and they don't even notice or treat me in return."  AH HA!...that's where the magic comes in =D  That is the WHOLE point where you do things not for attention, not to be a "better person" thinking look at me look at me. No! It's doing it because there's more to life than yourself and you being GREATLY blessed in having food on the table, a head over your roof, clothes on your back, and a life to live, why shouldn't you help others.

What motivates me personally is being SO LOVED.  Not just by my family, friends, and boyfriend, but by Jesus Christ.  Most of you by now may know that I am a Christian (which means "Little Christ").  I questioned my purpose in life during my 1st year in college and after much research and meeting people, I realize how real and alive God is.  I personally encountered His great love because I chose to think beyond the box and to seek it.  Not much people know that this Creator wants a relationship with His people.  We all have friendships, relationships with our mother, father, sisters, brothers, husband, wife, daughters, sons, and etc...but the entire point of these relationships is to show us how much our God wants a relationship with us.  But sadly the church hasn't been great on sharing that message or people have been so numb to even want to see if it's true.  But I want to tell you that I have experienced a great relationship with God and continually am.  He would show me His heart by placing ideas of caring for His people by providing an encouraging word, a smile, food, money, or anything.  He has blessed me greatly with amazing people in my life.  He has protected me and watched over me.  That is why I live my life the way I do.  Not because I have to, but because I want to.  When you are so loved, you cannot help but share that with others.  It's like eating at a really nice restaurant - it's so good that you cannot help but recommend it to others.  Just in the same way, God has showed me His great love through Jesus Christ, where He gave up His Son to die on the cross for me.  When I see how dirty of a person I am, I realize, "Wow, how much I need a Savior to get me to heaven because I cannot do it on my own."  I constantly mess up.  Now, before you start thinking, "Gosh, she needs to not beat herself up, she's so hard on herself."  I want to say No I'm not.  I'm just facing reality rather denying it.  Face it, you have lied at least once, you have looked at someone sexually at least once, you have wanted to murder someone in your mind at least once, you have cheated on a test at least once, and the list goes on.  No matter how small or how big our mistakes are, we have all fallen short and sinned.  Sin is sin the Bible says, just different consequences.  Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I have realized how much God loves me and from that, I have been touched to love others in ways that no man can ever understand.  

It is time that we stop thinking about ourselves and live a life like a Princess and Prince.  Let's bring these noble traits back!  I mean, look at your life...are you REALLY satisfied by the end of the day?  Honestly, when you're alone at night, do you find your soul fulfilled or wanting more?  I mean look at us! We eat and eat; we buy and buy more clothes; we date from one guy/girl to another; we drink and drink more to ease any pain or awkwardness; we have sex yet want more.  Everything we do in life is a constant need for more.  We are such needy people, but this is where we all miss the target - the ONLY thing that can satisfy us is having an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.  That is what I and many of my friends have found.  Now, this doesn't mean I'm all happy-go-lucky ALL the time.  I still go through pain, suffering, sorrow, grief, and all these crazy emotions, but at least I have a God that is by my side to help me get through them all.  Right now, we go through temporary suffering on earth, but I'm excited for that day to come when God will wipe away my tears and take away the pain when I go to heaven just as He has promised.  These few verses from the Bible talks about the new Heaven that God is going to create and what it will be like if we believe and follow Him:

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'" - Revelation 21:1-4

There is something in all of our hearts that desire to be a Princess that transform lives and Princes that rescues and saves those that are in captive.  Where has these amazing, life-changing men and women go?  What have we become?  We aren't just animals that are born to just have sex, eat, drink, and sit on our butts.  God gave us these minds, dreams, hearts, hands, and feet for a reason.  What happened to just dancing in your house, singing while you clean, writing poems, reflecting, and thinking about life for a change.  Doesn't it become draining to do the SAME thing over again and living life bitter and mad.  

We are in a huge love story, but it's a matter if people can finally break free from the lies of the Devil that we're born to just live for ourselves and finally realize their is more to life than money, sex, and ourselves!  For some reason, there is this longing in hearts that desire to be rescued and save others.  Does anyone question why?  Maybe because we are in need to be rescued...I mean look around us.  We need a higher being to save us from destruction, pollution, diseases, cancer, hunger, pain, suffering, and death that NO MAN can ever have FULL control over.  And maybe this longing to help others is from the One above who has the same heart for us.  There are reasons why we dream, there are reasons why we long these things.  If only people can wake up and just see how there is more to life than the American dream of ME.  I'm writing this out of love, not judgement.  It would be easier to shut my mouth and say nothing.  But because I have realized these things, I want to question and share my experiences, my thoughts, my heart.  So, I hope you can see that I care and love you all SO DEEPLY that I want ya'll to be able to live a life of freedom and fulfillment <3

"He [God] has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." - Ecclesiastes 3:10-11

Struggling to be Still after NY

So, it's been 1.5 after being back from NY.  I've actually been running away from processing everything.  It was too heavy for me to process everything and to finally pray to God fully with my heart.  I've been running away from God too.  It's funny to how I do that when I know in the end I need to go back to Him.  I've been running away from everything is because I didn't want to accept the fact that the trip to NY is done.  I miss NY, but mostly the people.  I miss the friends that made there.  The fellowship, the challenges we all went through together, and all our crazy random events.  I miss the excitement and fun that we have together.  I miss serving the city together shining the love of Christ to people that were walking around dead and purposeless.  I miss that community.  I love them so much and I am SUPER blessed to have the friends that I have made.  Thank You Lord for them and for allowing me to experience all of this!!

So, I finally sat down and prayed everything that was on my heart to God.  It was hard at first because my flesh and spirit was battling - it's truly like exercising.  When you first exercise, you want to instantly stop and give up, but once you keep going the energy starts to build and you feel better in the end.  That's how it was for me with prayer.  It was such a battle at first, but after getting everything out to God, it felt so freeing.  My burdens, worries, anxiousness went away because I have finally given it up to Him.  After praying, I asked the Lord to show me more of Him.  I actually haven't really had a quiet time with Him for a while.  Even being in NY, I struggled in having quiet time with the Lord.  After not having a quiet time one day, slowly I began slipping to not having any at all.  I stopped reading the Bible and praying regularly.  The schedule of our trip was so intense and impact that it was very difficult to be able to find time to seek God.  And now that I'm home, it's even harder, but after wrestling for many weeks, I finally opened my Bible and prayed for God to grow me because I've been hungry for growth.  I read Exodus 33-34 where I left off a while ago.  I didn't know what to expect, but as I read the chapters out loud my heart began to move, tears began to dropped down my face, and the reverence of the Lord came into my heart.  I was so touched by how God was so patient with Moses by continually reaffirming him that everything will be okay.  But Moses kept fearing and begging for the Lord to be with him, and again the Lord patiently said He will.  It broke me to read the words that the Lord said to Moses because that's how much He treats all of us.  I have been complaining, fearful, and doubting God, but in the end He tells me, "Jenny Jenny don't be afraid.  I'm with you. I will protect you."  But I continually to doubt Him.  He is truly so gracious and compassionate with us! 

It's so good to feel God's love for me again.  For me to fear Him and to have this feeling of tremble is such a great feeling.  Ya'll might think, "Why? That's weird!"  Well, when you fear God in a healthy way - not where you hide and thinks He's going to shoot you with a lightning bolt, but where you realize how strong, almighty, and big He is is a great fear.  It's the first step of admitting that you are weak and that you need Him, which is called humility.  It's easy to treat God with no respect and take advantage of His grace and forgiveness, which that's what I've been doing.  I've been walking around knowing that He loves me, but losing sight of honoring Him and acknowledging He is holy and GOD!  

Anyways, so these verses touched me.  Just read how patient the Lord is and how much He wants to reaffirm Moses...

Exodus 33:12-23 - 

One day Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Take these people up to the Promised Land.’ But you haven’t told me whom you will send with me. You have told me, ‘I know you by name, and I look favorably on you.’ ¹³ If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.”

 ¹⁴ The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.”

 ¹⁵ Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place. ¹⁶ How will anyone know that you look favorably on me—on me and on your people—if you don’t go with us? For your presence among us sets your people and me apart from all other people on the earth.”

 ¹⁷ The Lord replied to Moses, “I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.”

 ¹⁸ Moses responded, “Then show me your glorious presence.”

 ¹⁹ The Lord replied, “I will make all my goodness pass before you, and I will call out my name, Yahweh, before you. For I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose. ²⁰ But you may not look directly at my face, for no one may see me and live.” ²¹ The Lordcontinued, “Look, stand near me on this rock. ²² As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the crevice of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. ²³ Then I will remove my hand and let you see me from behind. But my face will not be seen.”

Coney Island

Wow! I have so much to share and update. Well, I finally have ALL the free time to write everything out.  I'm home now and I have more free time than I think I want (I cannot believe I said that! lol).  So, one week, our team and I went to Coney Island to help out at Lighthouse Missions Church.  It was both a bittersweet place to be.  I have NEVER in my last 22 years of my life have I experienced such physical labor.  It honestly made me appreciate my parents more and those that does this for a living.  Man-o-man, my entire body wanted to break, yet I felt stronger afterwards. 

 

We had to clean up this lot that had a bunch of glass, trash, dirt, rocks, & weeds that needed to be cleaned up.  We shoveled all these things in bags, but the bags would ripe so we would have to re-bag them.  We thought that's all that we had to do, but we ended up taking the bags to the dumpsters, which was the worse thing I've ever done in my life!  They weighed a ton!  It would take 4 ppl struggling to pick just one bag up - they were that crazy heavy.  It was impossible to carry these bags over the tall dumpsters, so thankfully we found a board to use.  That board was heaven sent because we wouldn't have been able to dump all 40 bags away.  The good that all came out of that hard labor is how close our team got.  We all had to work as a team together in order to make any of it work.  I love our team...we work so well together.  

 

We continued to help for the entire week of helping them get ready for their 4th of July BBQ by making a bunch of meat patties, marinating chicken, passing flyers out, and finishing up cleaning the lot.  On top of that, we helped clean the office up and helped distribute food during their food pantry days.  It was so much fun to bless people. 

   

Something unexpected happened was when a few Chinese grandpas and grandmas came in one day signing up for a food pantry card.  They didn't really speak good English, so I decided to jump in to help them.  It was AMAZING to be able to use my Chinese to help these people.  For the first time, I saw use in my ethnicity and language.  I grew up running away from my culture, but I can see the Lord wanted to heal me in that area.  As much as I identify myself as Jenny, I'm still Asian.  I'm not saying my ethnicity is my identity, but God did create me for what I am and I need to embrace it rather than running away or being ashamed of it.  I didn't know I need healing in that area, but I'm glad that God is healing my heart and perception.  Now, I'm SUPER excited to reach out to Asian Americans, especially the older generation.  

  

Happy 4th of July!!!

So, I FINALLY have free time to write.  The past few weeks have been SUPER SUPER crazy busy with non-stop activities, events, and meetings.  I don't even know where to start.  I guess I'll start with how much I've been so encouraged and loved by you all.  Ever since the trip started, I've been receiving encouraging emails, mails, comments, voice mails, and gifts.  THANK YOU SO MUCH for loving on me and lifting my spirits up.  The Lord has truly blessed me with amazing people in my life that I sometimes take for granted.  Being on this trip did open up my heart and eyes to how blessed I am with the life the Lord has given me, the friends that He has placed in my life, the family I was born into, and the area I live in.  I never truly appreciate the state I live in until now.  I am so blessed to grew up in a beautiful sunny weather with beautiful trees, mountains, flowers, creeks, oceans, and just basically everything in Cali.  I never knew how much we have - no wonder everyone wants to come here.  Man! I am so spoiled!! I do not deserve any of this!  

Anyways, Ya'll are probably tired of hearing my thankful rambles, but I just wanted to share how much I'm thankful for you guys =D  SOOOO the good stuff!  I'll start in chronological order of the events:

Being Homeless for 3 days -

On a Wednesday night, we unexpectedly was told to go back into our rooms to take 3 things with us if we're homeless.  I honestly thought the activity would only last for 2-3 hours the most, but didn't expect it to be 3 days!  It was the longest 3 days of my life!!  It honestly felt like a month.  We were unable to bring our cellular phones, real money, and keys.  So, now knowing that the Poverty Simulation would last that long, I brought a small backpack to put my stuff in, a bottle of water, and a sandwich.  On top o

f that, I decided to wear my Cal Poly sweatpants, a T-shirt that I wore the previous day, and a Cal Poly sweater.  

Then, we had to go to the Campus Crusade Inner City Life Headquarters at a warehouse where they pack all the food and materials for people and churches.  We g

ot there and all of a sudden, the directors told us we were going to sleep at the warehouse for the night on the cold concrete floors with no lights, pillows, or anything.  We can only use what we got and there will be moments where they will steal our stuff if we're not holding it.  The point of them stealing our stuff is to show us how it happens to people that are homeless.  There are many times where homeless people would sleep on the streets or in shelter homes and people would unexpectedly steal their things.  It's so sad how people would do that! Uggg! 

Anyways, so I thought, "Ok, this will only last a night...whatever I'll survive."  I was fine with the activity, but I was extremely frustrated that night because Brend

an and I planned to use webcams to talk that night.  We didn't talk for 4-5 days in order wait until we had free time to and originally that night was my free time.  So, it made 

me upset that the leaders told us that it was a prayer meeting because in my mind, prayer meetings only last up to an hour.  I understand that they wanted us to all come together, but not know about the activity; however, it could have been done differently where they could have said to keep that Wednesday night free for an activity and that's it.  But for it to say "free time" in our schedule and the only changes they said was to add a "prayer meeting" was deceiving.  As you can tell, it made me really upset lol.  But I'm over it.  At the time, it meant A LOT to me.  

The following morning, they woke us up 7am and gave us fake $20.  We had the option to use the money to buy meals for the day ($6 per meal) or take a shower ($9) or sleep upstairs on a carpet ($7).  But we HAD to pay $2 for a bus fare and $2 for living in the warehouse, which left us only $16 to use for the day.  On top of that, some of us randomly would have "Chance Cards" which are cards that has certain scenarios that requires us to pay a certain amount or do certain things like sleep by ourselves and etc...  Also, we all as a group had to decide how to help our 2 friends that are completely homeless who won't get paid to somehow help them pay their part.  

That truly challenged me to humble myself and trust that the Lord will provide after giving in a situation that I don't have much to give.  That night I only bought dinner and decided to save my money for something that may happen.  Afterwards, they told us that we had to leave and go to our ministry sites (places that we go to help out) with the 

clothes we already have.  We could not beg for food or tell anyone what we were doing.  I felt so embarrassed and disgusted when I went to the ministry site.  I could tell the kids and staff were curious to why we dress the way we did.  I never would have thought I would feel embarrassed, but I did.  

Now, I know how people that are homeless feels in wearing the same clothes everyday, not being able to brush your teeth or wash your face or take a shower, and why they sleep all the time since there is nothing to look forward to.  We went through this for three days and by the 3rd day, we all STUNK!!  It was so sad! I could not believe I was going through the simulation.  We had to be out of the warehouse 7am and be back 7pm, so after our ministry sites, we had a few hours to walk around and wait.  Most of us ended up sleeping and lounging around.  We had no energy whatsoever to pursue people.  Even though we weren't going to be homeless forever, but at the moment it was so hard to get our mindsets out of that.  Also, it was cold in NY at the time, so we would sleep to try to numb the coldness awa

y and block our minds out.  I could not even function to read my Bible or journal.  I tried to praise God and be thankful, but it was really hard.  

Words cannot describe how bad it was.  Even writing it out isn't enough to describe how hard it was.  But at the same time, it was such an AMAZING growing experience.  I learned to appreciate what I have more and to not spend my money carelessly.  While I was homeless, I asked a few people that were handing out Christian tracks for money and all of them would say they don't have money, but in the end a woman gave $5 while another guy gave $0.25.  It hurt me a lot because looking at them with their nice clothes and plumped faces, you know they had more money than they need.  Being in the shoes of a homeless, I felt judged and less of a person.  A group of us walked down a neighborhood and this woman walked by with her baby.  I said Hi, but the woman immediately walked away turning her head.  OH YEAH...people kept turning their heads and ignoring us.  So for ya'll to know, it's BETTER to acknowledge a person that is homeless and talk to them like a human being than ignoring them.  I know that before the Poverty Simulation, I thought looking at a person that is homeless would offend them or make them feel uncomfortable, but a simple smile or talk would mean the world to them.  We're all created to have relationships and community with people.  

By the 3rd day, I honestly felt like I was gonna go crazy.  What drove me crazy was not being able to know the time and not having anything to look forward to.  When you're homeless, you feel there is no hope for you anymore.  As children of God, let's make a greater effort to bring hope to people.  One BIG thing I learned is it's useless to reach to a homeless person without providing some type of action, such as buying/giving a meal, toothbrush/paste, or a blanket/clothing.  Here is an example:

My group and I went up to a lady for money and she tried to talk to us about God and end times, but didn't even care to get to know us at all.  She began with "I don't have change, but let me talk to you about the bread of life."  Honestly, in our minds we were dead hungry and could careless about what she had to say.  And the crazy thing is that we're Christians too, so we know what she was trying to do.  But you honestly CANNOT reach to the poor with merely words.  These people have been hurt and deceived in so many ways that if they do not see some any action, it's hard for them to even trust or believe what you have to say.  Don't even just give the food and walk away, but take the time to talk to them and hear their stories.  Not only will you help fulfill their physical need for the moment, but also the emotional need.  As the Lord has bless you to be good stewards, let's actually do it.  Talk is honestly cheap if their is no action to back it up.  And action is cheap if the gospel isn't being preached.  Faith and deeds go hand-in-hand.

So to end my homeless story, we had one last assignment, which we didn't know it was our last one.  And it was to talk to different types of people about homeless and get information from the public how and where to go to find a food pantry, a shelter, and so forth.  Being able to figure out where people can go for help actually helped us too.  Now we know where to direct people when needed.  There are so many things I didn't even know that goes into figuring out which and how to go to a homeless shelter.  It's more technical than you think.  We also collected cans and gave it to a person that needed it more than us.  It was awesome to talk and help others out even though we didn't "feel" good about ourselves.  After the assignment, the director gave us a "chance card" because we were late and by now, I didn't care anymore.  When we read it, I jumped for joy and hugged my team members and teared up a little.  It told us that the Poverty Simulation was officially OVER and for us to go back to our apartments and change into something nice for a dinner to celebrate.  I couldn't stop cheering and praising God out loud.  People probably thought I was crazy, but OMGoodness it was such a glorious moment.  So we went to dinner and everyone looked wonderful and the food was spectacular.  Here are some pics:

      

*I got a powerful handout that helped me learn how to reach to the poor:

When the Gospel comes to you, it replaces a middle-class mindset with the spirit of the poor.  That means at least 4 things - 

1) Acknowledge that YOU are needy:  

The middle-class spirit says: "If I live a good life then I will have something of value to present to God.  If I give to the poor, show mercy and do justice I can present something to God that He will value. I can do it!"  But the Gospel says: "No on is good, n not one."  Even our good deeds are filthy rags.  They stink of self-righteousness.  Because they have been done to feel superior to others and to get leverage with God so that He owes us a good life.  They have absolutely no value to God.

2) Acknowledge that you are powerless:

The middle class spirit says: "Okay, if I have failed I will just pick myself up and try harder.  I will turn over a new leaf.  I may be down, but I am not out.  I'll double my effort.  Never say never, think positive, visualize success - I can do it.  I will do it!"  But the Gospel says: "Not only are you spiritually bankrupt with nothing of value to present to God, but you are totally incapable of reversing the situation."  It is like drowning man trying to pull himself out by his own hair.  No, it is worse. It is like a dead man trying to dig himself out of the grave.  The Bible says: "You are spiritually dead.  Totally powerless to do anything that would merit God's approval."

3) Everything you have is a gift from God:  

The gospel calls us to discard the "rights mentality" prevalent in our culture today.  This mentality common among the middle-class says that you have rights - you have worked hard to earn your money and possessions and you have the right to a life of comfort and the leisure time to enjoy the fruits of the labor.  The gospel says that everything we have is a gift from our heavenly Father and is given to us as stewards.  We give up all of our "rights."

4) Acknowledge that your only HOPE is a poor man:

Trust in the King [Jesus] who became a poor man.  He was born in a feed bin, in a cattle shed.  At His dedication, His parents gave the smallest offering possible.  He was raised in a poor family, in a poor community  All His life He was poor.  "Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head."  He entered Jerusalem on a borrowed donkey, had His last meal in a borrowed room, and was buried in a borrowed grave.  He died naked, He had little the world valued, and the little He had was taken away.  He was discarded, thrown away.  And only because He did all that do YOU have any hope.  Your only hope is a crucified poor man.  If this offends you, you are a middle class in spirit and you cannot be saved.  You must become the poor.  And finally, the Gospel calls us and enables us to love the poor.

**I will continue sharing more things that happened in other posts :)  Time to go see the fireworks! =D Bye Ya'll!!!

Week 2: First Ministry Site

Wow! I just can't even start without saying that.  A mixture of shock and in awe.  This week, my team and I were expected to tutor and watch over children, but when we got there, it was a large range of different students ranging from 5 to 16 years old.  I expected small little 5 years old running around, so it did surprised me at first.  I was also surprised to the way the teacher disciplined her students.  It was REALLY hard for me to just stand there and not speak up.  I wanted to defend these students because she would constantly yell at everything - when I mean everything, I mean EVERYTHING.  It was hard for me to have compassion over her, but the Lord showed me that she too has a story and a heart and a soul today (day 2 at the site).  It's so easy to forget how people actually have stories and reasonings to why they behave the way they do.  People don't just wants to be angry, hardened people.  I love how the Lord graciously poured into our hearts some of His attributes and love by creating us in His image :)  

So the first day was a difficult for me to see the teacher praise God's name, but yell at the children like dogs.  I personally do not see that as sharing the love of Christ.  I believe in disciplining and spanking, but not in a harsh, rude way. Thankfully, by God's blessing, He allowed my team and I to enter a more joyful environment today :D  OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! I cannot even have words to describe how amazing it was.  We sang worship songs, danced, laughed together, and just praising our Lord Jesus Christ!!!! It was so precious to see three little girls dancing to the Lord and getting everyone in on it; that is what the Lord wants - genuine worship with no hesitation.  And the day kept on getting better...

I ended up tutoring 2 boys today with math and it was really awesome to be able to talk to them about life while doing their math.  I had the opportunity to share with them my life and how I overcame anger.  One of the boys struggles with anger.  It was very obvious from day 1 that he gets angry easily and starves for attention.  I talked to him a few times and found out that his parents are separated and his dad left without any notice.  I can tell this young boy loves his dad and wants him in his life.  He also kept explaining how he doesn't get noticed or appreciated by anyone and how his family keeps on getting mad at him.  It makes sense to why it's hard for him to focus in school.  His mind cannot help but think about his dad and have all these confusion and frustration in me bottling up.  At first, this boy seemed annoying, but as I got to know his story, it softened my heart in having compassion over him.  It's so easy for 

all of us to have little grace and treat people the way they appear.  And sadly that is how the world works.  But if we just stop for a second and look deeper beyond people's angry faces, we will see that there are many pain and insecurities lying inside that we ALL can relate with.  

Anyways, back with my day lol....so, it was awesome to share with him my struggles growing up as a child.  I grew up friends and family making fun of my appearance.  I remembered getting made fun of how dark I was or my nose or my freckles or my hairy arms or my weight or my this and that.  It was a constant thing growing up - I w

as never good enough.  But finally I was able to accept the way God created me and claim my beauty!  Two years ago, I finally made a choice to believe Psalm 139 in the Bible that I am made wonderfully and beautifully.  God created me the way He did and I am thankful for the features, spirit, and body that He has crea

ted me!  Through that acceptance 

and choice, a spirit of joy and security in the Lord began to flow out of me that I cannot eve

r attain from people.  As I was sharing this, the two boys and three girls began asking many questions and was shocked to hear what they did.  They all complimented me that I'm beautiful - it was so cute.  It was good to share with them the right way in finding their security - NOT in money, grades, boys, girls, or career, but in Jesus Christ.  It was good to also give the young boy some things I do to calm down when I get angry or upset.  And he actually did some today, which was awesome to see :)  God is sooooo good! 

I was also able to talk to a 8 year old girl about God and the church.  It was crazy how I was having a deep, intense conversation with an 8 year old!  She was venting about the point of going to church.  She is a very very intelligent girl that is able to understand any subject quickly.  But at the same time, you can see evidently the pride that came with it.  She went off how there is no point of going to church if she can read the Bible or pray on her own.  She said it wastes her morning to get ready and drive all the way to church when she knows already what the pastor preaches about.  It was cool to be able to talk to her about this and share with her my testimony and past experience with the church.  I have entered that stage of being not going to church because I didn't get anything out of it, but forgetting the fellowship aspect.  Church is not created to "entertain" us, but to get to know Him more in a different way and to meet with other brothers and sisters in Christ.  It's like a once a week party kind of deal.  But the little girl kept on explaining how she gets bored easily at church and how she's not challenged.  So I challenged her.  As much as she knows, can she apply it.  I challenged her to practice patience and humility.  Though she "knows" everything in the Bible and what is right from wrong, but that is all trash to God if she cannot live it out and for her HEART to be transformed.  She got quiet when I challenged her to be patient, humble, and blessing others by listening.  There are many MANY times that people would share with me things that I have already know, but I stay quiet, listen, and VALUE what they have to say.  Often times, we like to prove what we know or our capabilities because it comes down to finding our worth in the wrong places.  She had to go home, but I'm excited to talk to her more about it tomorrow if I get the chance again.  It was very unexpected for me to have that type of conversation with an 8 year old, but it was awesome :)  

There were so many awesome, deep conversations that went on today with the other members in my team too.  Jonni was able to talk to the oldest and most influential boy in the group.  It was cool to see and hear them talk about the Bible and life.  And it was also insightful to hear about the way people act in the hood of Brooklyn from one of the girls.  She explained to one of our team member, Jessica, how boys and girls respond and react to things.  It was awesome to see a 14 year old girl not get sucked into the media as sex objects.  She is a strong girl that respects her body, which is so rare to find.  I pray that she will continue to not give into the lies that the world tells to girls about their body and identity.  

I also learned a few new hand games with the little girls!!! They're SOOO COOL!!!! I cannot wait to show them off to everyone ;) 

Ok Ya'll, I'm bouncing to go take a nap, but wanted to let ya'll know what's going on before I forget :) I love you all and please continue to keep us all in your prayers.  Many people in the trip are already getting physically, emotionally, and spiritually overwhelmed by everything, especially with the tight & intense schedule that we have.  The Lord is moving and I cannot wait to see what He has laid before us :)

Talk to you guys soon!!! 

xoxo

Jenny 

I'm HERE!!!

So it's been 6 days in NY and I finally have the time to sit and blog :)  It's been a crazy, busy week of getting to know people and the city.  The first few days we got to know the city by taking the subway with other students and figuring out how to get around New York.  The subways reminded me of BART from the Bay Area, but it was confusing for me at first.  Now, I'm kind of getting the hang of it.  We also learned how to read maps and know the etiquette of NY, which I thought was interesting.  For instance, it's rude to talk in the subway loud because that's most ppl's down time to take a nap or process their day.  Back in Cali, people talk in buses and in BART with no issues of being loud or not.  So, that was interesting.  

I have to admit that the first 3-4 days were really hard.  I did not expect myself to already be emotional.  I cried the first few days missing Brendan, friends, and family.  I think it was overwhelming for me without even knowing it.  I haven't had the time to process and take everything in.  But now I'm good.  I've developed close friendships already that I could 

go to for prayer or anything.  The people here are SUPER nice, especially the girls.  I love them already!!  I couldn't stop praising God for surrounding me with girls that are so caring and loving.  

My roommates are all great and easy to get along :)  It's evident that they all love the Lord.  I officially found my twin - like officially.  I've never met someone SO ALIKE to me ever!!  My bunkbed buddy Sam is just like me - pretty scary, but not lol.  It's nice to have someone that completely understands where you're coming from and not be afraid to offend each other.  

So far, I've been depending on God a lot ever since I came here.  The first day that I was here, I didn't make 

much time to pray and pull away to be refreshed in the Word, which hurt me a lot.  So, I began waking up an hour earlier to spend time to pray, sing, meditate, and read the Word.  It's been refreshing and I feel much more armored.  However, it was hard in the beginning to pray while loud, busy c

ars driving all the time. The Lord is so good and faithful.  Today, at church, I was moved and humbled by the Spirit.  I still cannot believe to how God wants to use me and sees something in me.  I don't understand why He would use me out of all people - it always gets to me when I think about it.  I'm glad that the Lord is breaking me and showing me how much I need Him.  I have to admit that I was prideful in the beginning of project - it creep in without me knowing it.  I've talked and made relationships with the homeless, at-risk youth, and all types of people before.  It was easy to show off to how much I know and have dealt with.  I really hate thinking that way and by the grace of God, He helped me to remove those prideful thoughts.  I started thinking why I had these thoughts an

d it all came down to wanting to find my worth and value in other people's eyes that do not know me and have not seen the works I've done for the Lord.  Basically, it comes down to one word: INSECURE.  But why should I care what mere man thinks of me?  If you think of it, people can only give temporary pleasure with their words, opinions, touch, and so forth, but God fulfills ALL our needs.  He's the Alpha and Omega - the Creator of the UNIVERSE!!  He actually gives life to souls - man can't.  Sorry to break it down to ya'll, but only He can give life to people and by the grace of the Lord, He has allowed us to be part of giving life to others.  I hate how I fall into caring what people think about me, but I can see God helping me weave that out :) 

I have so much more to tell, which I will go onto a different blog to not overwhelm you.  The next one will be more funn - all about scandalousness in Chinatown, going to a church in a building I've never would of thought, & discovering how loud Californians are lol :) ... so next blog ya'll!!!  

1 Day Until NY!!

So, I'm finally able to just stop, process, and write things out.  Lately, I've been super busy with finishing up school and getting ready for NY.  It's been nonstop craziness, but the awesome part is that I can really sense the Lord carrying me through it all.  Those that know me well, I freak out pretty easily, but this time there was this great sense of peace and strength that I cannot describe.  I did get a little anxious, but in the end God truly calmed me down.  He really took care of me, I cannot stop acknowledging that because He did.  I'm finally DONNEEE with Spring quarter!!! Whoo Hoo!!! Now, pack, pack, & pack! 

I cannot believe I'm going to NY on a missions trip.  This is UNREAL!  I honestly planned to take summer school and work to start saving up for Brendan and I's future, but God totally changed up my plans, which I'm glad He did - now some adventure!! Yay! But it hasn't hit me yet that I'm going.  Two years ago when I mentioned to my parents of going to one, they never approved.  They were constantly fearful of me getting raped, murdered, or get some kind of a disease.  But now they're allowing me to go!! So unreal!  If God wants something to happen, He'll make it happen. And on top of that, He totally provided.  I had no idea how to raise money within a short period of time, but He totally provided, which was INCREDIBLE to what He did.

I don't think it will hit me until I get on the plane.  But I can tell He is preparing me in great ways just by having friends encouraging and comforting my heart before I go.  My EPIC and CalvarySLO family has truly been a great encouragement and blessing to me.  They've seen the good and the bad side of me, but they still stick around pouring their joy and love unto me.  I am so broken right now.  I honestly do not deserve the friends that I have, the family that I have, the boyfriend that I have, the shelter & clothes & food that I have, or the eternal life that God has given me.  Honestly, without Him I am totally nothing.  He has turned this ugly duckling that was a nobody to a daughter of the King with a purpose of giving life to others.  I am SO SO SO thankful to be used for His Kingdom.  I sometimes question, "Why me?" Out of all people, He chose me to love and reveal His greatness to me. Thank You Lord for seeing something in me and wanting to take a piece of coal and transform it into a piece of artwork!

So, uno mas dia left and off to NY!  I will continue to keep ya'll posted.  Thank you again for ALL your support, prayers, encouragements, and love.  You have NO IDEA how blessed I am by YOU!!!!! 

God is good....all the time!  I'm gonna miss everyone! <3